is this really my reason for living?
by imperial jade
Summary: "Will, you've been here for years now, I can tell something's on your mind." Will swallowed hard desperately trying to think of something. "It's just that…" he trailed off. Charlotte nodded. Damn, he needed time to think. Alone. Then a thought came to him. "Charlotte, what if Tessa isn't the only one that Mortmain's created? What if there are others with abilities like her? WillXOC
1. Chapter 1

Will walked through the halls of the Institute, a cloud of gloom hanging over him. Having his heart crushed twice in just three days was beginning to weigh him down. He was physically and mentally exhausted, and the energy runes didn't seem like they were helping anymore. And now that Jem had made his and Tessa's engagement official, his thin glimmer of hope was snuffed out. And to top it all off, Cicely had shown up. He was more confused than ever. He had spent the last hour with his little sister, explaining everything. She seemed to believe him for the most part. But there was a certain coldness about her that Will was certain wasn't there before. But he could hardly blame her.

Will sighed heavily. Now that he knew the truth, could things go back to normal? Now that he didn't need to keep up his image, would they accuse him of having changed? Say that he wasn't the Will they knew? He really wasn't ready to come clean about his history with Marbas, or how he felt he was responsible for Ella's death. What he needed was some time to think. "Will?" he turned. Charlotte was standing in the corridor, studying him with a worried expression. "Oh, Charlotte," he said. She approached him, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Is everything alright?" "Yes," he replied softly.

She looked unconvinced. "You can talk to me you know." Will nodded. "It's alright, there's nothing wrong," he said. "Will, you've been here for years now," she said, crossing her arms. "I can tell something's on your mind." Will swallowed hard, desperately trying to think of something. "It's just that….." he trailed off. Charlotte nodded. Damn, he needed time to think. Alone. Then a thought came to him. "Charlotte, what if Tessa isn't the only one that Mortmain's created? What if there are others with abilities like her?"

He felt a twinge of guilt wash over him as Charlotte's eyes widened. "I-I never even considered…..Will, we need to look into this immediately. Tomorrow I want you and Jem to-" "NO!" Will shouted. Charlotte jumped. She stared at him, a puzzled expression on her face. Will bit his lip. "It's just," she stammered. "I don't want to take him away from Tessa. I want him focused on his wedding. Let me do this alone Charlotte." Her face softened and she sighed. "Will, I really think you should have Jem with you." "I can do it Charlotte, I promise to stay out of trouble." She slumped her shoulders in defeat.

"Alright," She whispered. "Just watch yourself Will." He smiled slightly. "Thank you Charlotte," he said, turning on heel and rushing down the hall. Charlotte stared after him in shock. Will had…..thanked her. She must have been more exhausted than she realized. But now she had this to worry about. She hoped, and not for the first time, that Will was wrong.

**XXxXX**

Cia frowned at her reflection. The mirror was cracked, fracturing her image. When she had come back from her first training session in this house she had been so furious she had thrown one of the expensive silver backed brushes on her vanity table at it. She had been punished in the next session a few days later, and needless to say, she wasn't supplied with another mirror. She shifted a bit to the right, where the bigest shard was, and examined the two french braids she had tied off minutes ago.

She scrunched her nose in annoyance before tugging the locks of hair on the right side of her head out of its braid. "Why won't you lie flat?" she growled. She eventually gave up, tugging the left braid out as well, letting her long caramel copper hair fall in waves down to her hips. It had been months since she'd had a haircut. She swiped her bangs out of her oddly colored eyes impatiently, wishing she had something other than a frayed black ribbon to keep her hair in place. She sighed heavily, shoving pots of makeup she had been given off to the side before slumping over on the cool surface of her vanity table. There were a few thuds where some fell of the table, but she ignored them, exhaling heavily.

Weak sunlight pooled on the floor of her room through the two windows on her left, bathing the space in different shades of grey. She hated this room so much, even though it is the nicest one she'd ever been in. she tilted her head to the side, gazing longingly at the sky, and if she focused hard enough, she could make out the occasional glimmer of the wards where there should be glass. She had learned of their existence the hard way. It had been her third night at Miss White's house…her first lesson. She had been in such horrible pain, and completely terrified.

She had tried to run for it, but unfortunate for her, the first item Miss White had tested her abilities on was metal. It had intensified the shocks from the barrier by so much she had been bedridden for the next few days, having nothing to do but stare at the ceiling and wonder how the other kids at the orphanage were holding up without her. She couldn't help but scold herself for being so stupid. After spending thirteen years of her life in an orphanage, a woman suddenly shows up claiming to be a friend of her mother's and she believed it. what kind of idiot was she? A sharp rapping sound brought her back to reality. "The mistress is ready for you Miss Davis," a monotone voice floated through the walls. "I'll be there in a moment Hattie," she responded icily as she stood.

She smoothed out her black and white dress, which was cut scandalously short. It only reached her knees, allowing her to move easily during her lessons with Miss White. She laced her white boots quickly; knowing full well what would happen if she was late. She walked briskly to the door, throwing it open to see Miss White's favorite, and seemingly only, maid Hattie. Even through all these months at Miss White's house, the one thing Cia could not get used to was Hattie. There was just something about her that reminded Cia of this one boy in the orphanage who had somehow gotten hold of a small gerbil, and had squeezed it until it's eyes bugged out. Hattie had greatly resembled the poor creature, right down to her mop of sandy hair and bulging eyes.

She shook her head, trying to clear her mind of the image. She stepped through the door, careful not to look Hattie srtaight in the eye. She closed the door behind her, following Hattie down the brightly lit halls of Miss White's mansion in silence. It was a grand building, out in the middle of the countryside, but it was still a prison. Cia had never been out of it, only left to gaze longingly aout her window whenever she got the chance. There wasn't much for her to do in her off time, other than sleep off her latest injuries, so she had hardly even strayed from the path she took to her lessons either. Before long, they reached the trapdoor that would lead to Miss White's training room. Hattie pulled the door up with little strain, allowing Cia to decend the stairs. her feet had barely touched the ground before Hattie let the heavy block of wood fall closed, letting the room engulf Cia in total darkness.

Torches began to blaze up around the massive room in sparks of blue, green, and purple flame, bathing the room in odd colors. "Good morning Docia darling," a melodic voice sighed, breaking the silence. Cia looked up, seeing Miss White hovering on the other side of the room. She looked board, her pitch-black eyes examining her well-manicured nails. She was decked out in her normal attire, a black and white gown with a strip of white fur hanging around her neck. Her ice white hair was pinned to perfection in ringlets, set off by a black-pearl studded band. "Let's get on with it then, shall we?" she asked, once she picked up that Cia wasn't going to answer. "It's your move first."

Cia just picked up the nearest object on the floor. A lead pipe. She concentrated on the prickling and stinging feelings that proceeded to trail up her arm, and within a span of fifteen seconds, it was covered in a thick film of metal. She rushed forward, watching carefully for the sparks of lightning and fire that crackled and shot from Miss White's palms. She saw a glimmer in Miss WHite's eyes and quickly ducked behind a large cluster of bolders that were placed in the arena. A loud explosion sounded, shaking the ground beneith her. Cia covered her mouth with her still human arm, trying not to breathe in the dust and dirt. Her eyes stung, but she jumped from her hiding place anyways, using the dust cloud from the explosion as a smoke screen. She cought a glimps of white up ahead, and charged, not alowing herself to think of how good it would feel to finally land a blow on Miss White.

Cia had been engaging in these fights for seven months, and always lost. She knew Miss White was a master warlock, that was the reason she was being held here. she was ment to be molded into a weapon of sorts, or the ultimate spy. She had stoped keeping track of all the times she had been forced to play statue. Her captor was ruthless, and wan't afraid to disipine her through these fights if Cia acted against her. But something had been off about Miss White in these past three weeks. Her attacks had become random and sporadic, as if something else had occupied her thoughts. She lost her temper quicker, and was more prone to having meltdowns.

She had seemed more dangerous to Cia this way. At least before she knew to a certain degree what to expect from her captor. But in the past few training sessions, her hair and clothes would be repeatedly singed and torn, some attacks even breaking through whatever protection her abilities had provided and scorching her pale skin. Angry red marks decorated her legs under her black stockings, and there was a fresh sear of pain as a bit of fire licked across her cheek. But nonetheless, Cia rounded on the source of the attack. 'Is this really the reason I was born?' she thought as she met the black soulless eyes of Miss White without flinching, still knowing full well that just like any other day, she would lose.

**XXx Author's Notes xXX**

**Well…I don't think this went half bad for my first attempt. Let me know what you think!**

**See you next time! -Jade**


	2. Chapter 2

Will woke to a pounding in his head.

He groaned as he shifted into a sitting position, his eyes snapping open as the movement caused the surface he was sitting on to shift, and dumped him flat on his back.

He bit his tongue as he tried not to inhale the clouds of dust and wood shavings rose around him.

His eyes fluttered open after a few seconds, and he pulled himself shakily to his feet.

Holding a hand to his throbbing head, he allowed his eyes to adjust to the dimness around him. He seemed to be in a wood shed of sorts.

With a muffled sigh he leaned against one of the walls, running his fingers through his tousled hair.

He had been sleeping off his first real hangover, and needed a safe place to stay the night, or at least until he was fully sober.

He had no idea how his drinking would have affected his actions, so he had collapsed in this shed, letting the smell of wood, dust, and coal invade his senses.

Eventually, Will had managed to find sleep. But it was anything but peaceful.

The same gray eyes he would be forced to see when he returned to the Institute plagued his dreams.

The eyes he wanted to desperately to avoid.

Tessa...

The thought of her made his head pound even harder.

He grit his teeth, forcing his mind to think of something...anything else.

But it was Charlotte that pushed Tessa to the side momentarily.

He had ruined the happy atmosphere at the Institute to buy himself some time to think. But, it's not like this was the first time he'd done something that selfish.

Now he had to act like he was making progress, or Charlotte would have Jem accompany him.

By the Angel, he wouldn't be able to stand it. All the talk of the wedding plans, and how great Jem thought Tessa would look in gold.

He'd be ready to pitch himself off the roof of the Institute after an hour of it.

His thoughts were interrupted as the door of the shed creaked open. He cast a quick glamor over himself before peering over the piles of wood.

Three small girls entered the dark musty room.

"Hurry up girls!" a stern voice yelled from somewhere outside. "Some of us would actually like to eat sometime soon!"

The girls scurried to different parts of the shed and began piling as many of the thick logs as they could carry in their thin arms.

This must have been the shed belonging to one of the orphanages.

The girls worked in silence, until a soft sniffle broke through the dimness, along with the sound of logs clattering on the floor.

"What's wrong Nettie?"

One of the taller girls broke away from the stack of logs and kneeled down next to a small girl who looked around seven or eight.

Will shifted his position, and saw she was the smallest of the three, with a slight frame, pale skin, and dirty blond curls.

"She used to help Cia bring in the fire wood," the other girl said as she stepped up to the two crouched on the floor.

"But it's been months since she was adopted Nettie," the other girl whispered.

"Marie!" the other girl scolded. "Here, you go back inside Nettie, we'll take care of this."

Nettie got to her feet slowly before dashing out of the shed in a whirl of pale pink skirts.

"Poor girl," Marie sighed. "She hasn't said a word since Cia left."

"But they were really close," the other girl replied. "Nettie idolized Cia, she can't just forget about her."

"You know," Marie trailed off. "I'm surprised that woman adopted Cia instead of Nettie. Her kind don't usually adopt fifteen year olds."

"That's true," the other girl said as she crouched down to pick up the logs Nettie had dropped. "And Cia was so odd too. You saw her eyes right?"

Marie nodded.

"But that lady looked quite odd as well. Did you see _her _eyes?"

The other girl nodded as she got to her feet.

"I almost died of fright! I could have sworn they were pitch black!"

Will's head snapped up.

"And her teeth!" Marie shuddered. "I could have sworn they were pointed!"

Will racked his brains.

A woman with that description sounded like a warlock.

But why would a warlock adopt a mundane girl? And one that was fifteen above it all.

Unless...Damn it.

Maybe by some fluke he had been right.

**~0~0~**

Cia sighed as she let the warm rose water seep into her aching muscles.

If there was one thing she actually liked about Miss White's mansion, it was that she could have a nice warm bath whenever she wanted.

She ran her fingers through her tangled hair, doing her best to work out the knots.

Miss White had been particularly brutal today and shot a ball of purple flames at her that singed a good three inches off of her hair on the left side of her head.

This wasn't really what she had in mind when she said she would like a haircut.

It was bothering her, but since she wasn't allowed any sharp objects, there was no way to even it out.

She had tried using her abilities to turn her finger into a knife of sorts, but it seemed her gift wouldn't allow her to make the metal on her body sharp.

It just allowed her to pack one hell of a punch.

But it was pretty much useless if she couldn't keep up with her opponent.

She grit her teeth as she felt a dull throb in her head.

In her last training session Miss White had given her a shocking blow to the head with one of the pipes she had scattered around the training room.

Something like that should have killed a normal person. But Cia had managed to shield her temple with a thick coat of lead before the pipe made contact.

But the force of it had knocked her out for several hours, and she had woken up to a rather nasty headache.

She honestly wondered why Miss White was being so brutal with her. Surely her life meant something to someone...otherwise why would Miss White have bothered to track her to the orphanage and train her like this?

Cia sighed and sank lower into the water.

It still bothered her, knowing she was something less than human. But that would explain why no one had ever wanted to adopt her.

She had always thought it was because of her eyes.

On record they were hazel brown, but in the right light, they would turn an almost red violet color.

Whenever they lined up to be inspected by a couple, nine times out of ten the woman would faint when they saw her eyes.

Now, knowing she could be part demon it made sense.

But now she disliked them more than ever. She hated anything that could be seen as a similarity between her and her captor.

She eventually pulled the plug and changed into one of the excessively laced white nightgowns that lay in her wardrobe.

She began to plait her hair but gave up halfway through and collapsed face down on her bed, not even bothering to get under the covers.

**~0~0~**

Once Will was sure there was no one around he slipped out of the wood shed, keeping his glamour up just in case.

The back of the orphanage was shabby and gray, littered with broken toys and dead tuffs of grass. But it was empty of any people.

He walked soundlessly across the yard, looking around until he found the back door. He pushed lightly on it, and it's hinges cried out loudly, making him flinch.

But it seemed that the door swinging open on its own was a normal occurrence, because none of the children passing by at the other end of the hall seemed to notice or care.

Once the chatter died down and the last of them passed by, he stepped into the hall, closing the door silently behind him.

Just as the latch clicked in place Will got that irritating feeling he usually associated with someone looking right through him.

And when he turned, sure enough, there was a little girl standing at the end of the hall. The same girl he saw earlier.

Nettie, he thought her name was.

Her large brown eyes were locked on him, but in a different way than normal. Almost as if...

She could see him.

"Come on Nettie!"

An older girl came back up the hall, taking the small girl's hand when she reached her.

"If you don't hurry up all that will be left are the burnt bits!" she exclaimed as she tugged on Nettie's arm.

But Nettie wouldn't budge.

"What's the matter with you Nettie?" the girl asked, putting more force into her tugs. "There's nothing there! Now come on!"

"What's happening?" another girl asked as she approached the two girls.

"I haven't the faintest," the girl holding onto Nettie's hand replied. "She just freezes up like this at the oddest times."

"Then leave her be," the other girl said as she turned to leave. "It's not our fault if the Mute doesn't get any breakfast."

As the girl's footsteps faded down the hall, the other girl finally let go of Nettie.

"If you keep staring at nothing the Sisters are going to think there's something wrong with you," she spat before turning on her heel and stalking off.

Once Will was sure it was just the little girl in the hall, he began walking up to her.

He went slowly, as not to frighten her. But with every step her eyes, which were locked on his, grew wider, and she was visibly trembling.

"You can see me?" he asked as he crouched down to her level.

Through her terror she managed a nod.

"Your name is Nettie right?" he asked, and again she nodded.

He sighed mentally; the girl wouldn't open her mouth.

"I'm looking for someone Nettie," he said softly. "Perhaps you can help me."

The girl swallowed hard as she looked him straight in the eye.

"You had a friend here right? A girl named Cia?"

The girl nodded and dropped her hands to her sides, playing nervously with the folds of her ratty pink dress.

"She was adopted a few months ago," Will continued. "Do you remember anything about the woman who took her away?"

There was a moment of silence before the girl took a deep breath.

"I tried to tell her not to go."

Will felt a small surge of pride as the words left her mouth. They were soft, and he had to strain to hear them, but he had gotten her to talk.

"There was something strange about the woman wasn't there?" he urged her on. "Something only you seemed to notice."

"Her eyes were pitch black," Nettie whispered. "No whites at all. She had pointed teeth and a forked tongue too. Like a snake."

"But no one seemed to see them did they? Not even Cia?"

"No," Nettie whimpered. "She said not to be silly, that the woman's eyes were brown like mine. That she was just a normal lady."

"And you've seen other things as well," he prodded. "The other kids here make fun of you because they think you might be...different."

She nodded, and he saw tears running down her pale cheeks.

"I'm looking for her Nettie," Will said quickly, trying to get her to stop crying. "Do you have anything of hers that I can borrow?"

The girl's head snapped up, her tears ceasing momentarily.

"Why do you want to find her?" she asked in a cracked voice.

"It's my job to keep people safe from things they can't normally see," he explained. "And I think Cia might need help right now."

Nettie's eyes widened as her hand slipped into a pocket in her dress.

"You can save her?" she asked, a small glimmer of hope sparking in her eyes.

"I need to find her first," Will said. "But yes, I can."

Nettie pulled her hand out of her pocket, holding out a frayed black ribbon.

"You promise you'll find her?" she asked in a shaky voice as he took the ribbon from her.

"And when I do I'll bring her back here to see you," he said as he stood.

Her face lit up as he smiled down on her.

"And don't worry about the things you see," he said as he ruffled her blond hair. "Having the Sight is a gift. You are not a freak. So do your best to hold up on your own for a few days."

The girl nodded and he turned to leave. But right as he reached the end of the hall and went to open the door, he felt a pair of arms wrap around him.

He almost jumped, but looked down and was shocked to see the little girl hugging his leg.

"Thank you Mr. Angel," she said with a sunny smile.

Will almost laughed as she detached herself from him and stepped back.

"You can just call me Will," he said before he stepped back outside.

She nodded and waved to him until he closed the door.

Will took a deep breath of the brisk morning air before tucking the black ribbon into his coat pocket.

He turned away from the building towards the tree he needed to climb to get over the fence.

He had no idea what possessed him to say all those things to that little girl. There was no guarantee that this Cia girl was still alive, or that she was still in the mortal world.

But then again, his own family was so screwed to hell, that it only made sense to him to try and help as many others as he could.

Now he could actually afford to care, why not show that little girl some hope?

But before he did anything, he'd need to report back to Charlotte and stock up on some weapons.

He sighed as he touched down on the other side of the fence.

Charlotte was going to love this.

**~Author's Notes~**

**Hi there! so sorry it's been so long...and i haven't updated in ages. I didn't mean to, I just didn't know how to continue this. But now that I've finished Clockwork Princess I have a better understanding of the story line I want to create, so hopefully updates will be quicker. ^^**

**Thanks for reading!**

**~Jade**


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